I was really shocked to see my once fave actor Arvindswamy's marriage falling apart. Still more shocking was that it was attributed to his affair with his secretary. He was not in showbiz to get infactuated to some glamourous co-star, that's what makes this case unique. When he was a star I remember Manisha and Madhuri stating that their parents will be thrilled if they choose sophisticated and well behaved gentleman like Arvindswamy as their groom, but his current state of things show that every relationship / marriage undergoes a point of fatigue. If the protagonists manage to overcome this phase, then they are bound to rebound in a stronger way.
It is earthly to crave for somebody who understand or applaude them at that fatigue point and the risk of crossing the limits used to be overlooked. Every marriage undergoes such fatigue phase and the best every couple can do is to postpone it later. Our elders did it by having kids and diverting the attention towards them and enjoying the responsibilities by the time the fatigue creeps in. Normally this fatigue point is conspicuous on ambitious people because for them family is just a part of their world. Since they are successful the break up is flashed to the world. Fatigue happens with middle class families also but as writer Jayakanthan had written "Manasala palar soram ponaalum, udambaala soram pogum dhairiyam vegu silarukke undu...", which means even though such couples in relationship, living together but straying in their mind, very few have the guts to demostrate it with illicit affairs / break up.
Recently my cousin sister celebrated her 25th Wedding anniversary and I used to say that I have some belief in the institution of marriage only due to them because they still behave as if they are newly married. Even in the family functions or sisters' get-togethers my cousin in question will make sure that she be with him once in every 10-20 minutes ensuring him a proper attention. Also for a long time she used to have food in his left over plate / leaf even in the marriages / functions. Feminists may cry this as regressive but for me it is an expression of affection or love. And she is the only person I see doing it in my relative circle. My friend used to crib that his parents, who used to get up earlier in the mornings, were yakking non-stop since then and his sleep was getting disturbed. I told him be happy that they speak a lot even after 30 years of marriage while in many families the couples stop talking after 2-3 years.
I had read a true story written by renowned Tamil writer "Thilakavathi IPS" that showed the fatigue phase between an elder couple in a stark fashion. Any relationship where there is no scope for healthy conversation is doomed to be failure. Also another blog by someone in "evesindia" reiterated the same belief.
OK! OK! What I want to say atlast? I am not here to give any preachy solutions but putting forward my observations. I believe the basic thing we should notice is that there should be constant reinvention of oneself in any relationship including the marital affairs. And... speak nice things a lot, spend quality time rather than getting engrossed in the work alone. Thats all I have learnt to keep a relationship successful.
