{mosimage}I was casually flipping through the pages of Femina's jan '09 issue. A case of marriage not consummated for the past three years caught my attention. I was just wondering what that couple were doing for past three years. I could understand what they might have been undergoing but their problem was something that could have been cured by a psychiatrist in few minutes of counselling. I too was a victim of 'Performance Anxiety', thats why I feel sorry for them. Most of the (conservative) people have a gap of 10-15 years between the s3xual awakening and the 'actual' s3x. In the mean time through watching porn movies & cyber s3x, they tend to set a very high expectation about s3x. So by the time they actually face the reality of carrying out s3x, they get nervous and the anxiety creeps in, affecting the s3xual performance. A counselling with the psychiatrist is all it needs at that time.
In my case, thanks to porn movies and 'creative' imaginations, I had very high expectations about s3x. Also the many case studies and the peer pressure had created the 'desperate need' of creating the first impression of the 'manhood'. Our first night was arranged on the very night of our marriage. That tiredness, nervousness and anxitey took a toll on me. Masking the nervousness under the brave face, I was waiting in our bedroom. May be because of the first touch / close encounter with a girl, I got a hard on, but learnt that my wife was having apprehensions about s3x with a (then) stranger. Also her parents, aunties and neighbours had 'warned' her of acute pain with the first intercourse that she was literally shivering. We were in the same state of nervousness. We talked and talked through out the night and had started getting familiar with each other.
{mosimage}Still I had that nervousness. Since the physiology treats ma5turbation, s3xual intercourse and oral s3x as the same, the ability to carry on ma5turbation / oral s3x automatically qualifies that you can have s3xual intercourse. I never had problem in ma5turbation, so once I came to Chennai I decided to meet psyciatrist first instead of an urologist. I met with a topmost psychiatrist of the city. A small counselling session with him itself gave a sort of confidence. The conversation went like this... I explained my apprehensions and problem to him. he listened patiently and asked..
'So you are having apprehensions that this intercourse with hurt her?'
'No Doctor, not like that, but may be because I am not used to this..'
'Do you have any physiological problems?'
'No Doctor, I get a rock hard on when I masturbate, but not in the presence of another person.
'(Smiles)You show clear case of obsession and anxiety' (My doubts about the diagnosis - 'Performance Anxiety' got validated.)
'Can you tell anything in life that you felt difficult initially but you found them easy later?'
'Many instances are there.. I was dead against of driving Yamaha in my +2, because I was uncomfortable with the gear shifting patterns, so I wanted to buy TVS Scooty instead. Now I can't think of driving Scooty / Kinetic Honda..'
'Good. Anything else similarly?'
'I got literally flunked in the MS Office test for my Computer Lab practicals, but later I went on to develop websites and other things...'
'You forgot to say that you are a software engineer now... I prescribed you Paroxetine tablets to overcome the nervousness. If you still feel nervous try these Tadalfil tablets before you plan to have s3x. Come back to me after a fortnight.'
I have heard about that Paroxetine tablet, which is an anti-depressant. May be the dosage was heavy (25 mg) against regular (12.5 mg), I got fast heart beat, blood rush and as a result tiredness in the consecutive days. So I decided to stop it and take up Tadalfil tablets.
When I took the Tadalfil tablet, I got a good erection that night but my wife still had fears about pains during s3x. We decided to take her to the gynaecologist to take necessary precautions. But with the huge crowd and movement of relatives we couldn't go. But now we had got more comfortable with other's presence and the inhibitions between us started waning on. My wife used to say that my waiting for her to get comfortable about s3xual intercourse had made her like me more.
{mosimage}One day we were out of town, post lunch, we were getting ready to go to some other place. We were chatting, the topic turned romantic then erotic and we had our first intercourse impromptu, cladded fully & formally... with shoes & socks. Our inhibitions were completely destroyed. The only we realised that we hadn't taken the pills for past three days. Consecutive days we kept off the Tadalfil tablets while sleeping together. Initially that anxiety was there but later it didn't come to our mind at all. We learnt that it is the emotional comfortness that matters in s3x. Today we enjoy our quality time and s3x. In general s3x is like driving - some get in right in the first shot while some get better with practise, but at the end of the day everybody learns driving. Else how can we attribute for the population explosion in India?
Certainly this article is not to brag about the s3xual inetrcourse in a titillating fashion, but just to acknowledge that this problem exists among many of the youngsters. Unfortunately we don't have a platform to discuss this among the friends. s3x is still a taboo among the known circles. When I read that query in Femina, I was just feeling sorry for them that this performance anxiety is such a simple issue that can be addressed easily, on failing which the kind of pressure it builds up among the couples is so explosive that it can break the marriage.
{oshits} readers for this article with medicinal value.
{mosimage}Still I had that nervousness. Since the physiology treats ma5turbation, s3xual intercourse and oral s3x as the same, the ability to carry on ma5turbation / oral s3x automatically qualifies that you can have s3xual intercourse. I never had problem in ma5turbation, so once I came to Chennai I decided to meet psyciatrist first instead of an urologist. I met with a topmost psychiatrist of the city. A small counselling session with him itself gave a sort of confidence. The conversation went like this... I explained my apprehensions and problem to him. he listened patiently and asked..
'So you are having apprehensions that this intercourse with hurt her?'
'No Doctor, not like that, but may be because I am not used to this..'
'Do you have any physiological problems?'
'No Doctor, I get a rock hard on when I masturbate, but not in the presence of another person.
'(Smiles)You show clear case of obsession and anxiety' (My doubts about the diagnosis - 'Performance Anxiety' got validated.)
'Can you tell anything in life that you felt difficult initially but you found them easy later?'
'Many instances are there.. I was dead against of driving Yamaha in my +2, because I was uncomfortable with the gear shifting patterns, so I wanted to buy TVS Scooty instead. Now I can't think of driving Scooty / Kinetic Honda..'
'Good. Anything else similarly?'
'I got literally flunked in the MS Office test for my Computer Lab practicals, but later I went on to develop websites and other things...'
'You forgot to say that you are a software engineer now... I prescribed you Paroxetine tablets to overcome the nervousness. If you still feel nervous try these Tadalfil tablets before you plan to have s3x. Come back to me after a fortnight.'
I have heard about that Paroxetine tablet, which is an anti-depressant. May be the dosage was heavy (25 mg) against regular (12.5 mg), I got fast heart beat, blood rush and as a result tiredness in the consecutive days. So I decided to stop it and take up Tadalfil tablets.
When I took the Tadalfil tablet, I got a good erection that night but my wife still had fears about pains during s3x. We decided to take her to the gynaecologist to take necessary precautions. But with the huge crowd and movement of relatives we couldn't go. But now we had got more comfortable with other's presence and the inhibitions between us started waning on. My wife used to say that my waiting for her to get comfortable about s3xual intercourse had made her like me more.
{mosimage}One day we were out of town, post lunch, we were getting ready to go to some other place. We were chatting, the topic turned romantic then erotic and we had our first intercourse impromptu, cladded fully & formally... with shoes & socks. Our inhibitions were completely destroyed. The only we realised that we hadn't taken the pills for past three days. Consecutive days we kept off the Tadalfil tablets while sleeping together. Initially that anxiety was there but later it didn't come to our mind at all. We learnt that it is the emotional comfortness that matters in s3x. Today we enjoy our quality time and s3x. In general s3x is like driving - some get in right in the first shot while some get better with practise, but at the end of the day everybody learns driving. Else how can we attribute for the population explosion in India?
Certainly this article is not to brag about the s3xual inetrcourse in a titillating fashion, but just to acknowledge that this problem exists among many of the youngsters. Unfortunately we don't have a platform to discuss this among the friends. s3x is still a taboo among the known circles. When I read that query in Femina, I was just feeling sorry for them that this performance anxiety is such a simple issue that can be addressed easily, on failing which the kind of pressure it builds up among the couples is so explosive that it can break the marriage.
{oshits} readers for this article with medicinal value.
