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{mosimage}Last week when I went to Bangalore, I happened to see a Tamil auto rickshaw driver, banging on the doors of the small roadside temple, with tears rolling on his cheeks, crying and talking loudly to God something that went like this "Why did you do this to me? Are you going to shut their mouths from commenting, if so how many people you can do it...". A sight that disturbed and disturbs me a lot even today. Poor soul, don't know how grave was his problem that he was made to "talk" to God. I sincerely pray that God solve his problems as soon as possible. How many people have this "courage" to shed tears? I remembered the post of my mama, which went like this "... I want to cry but as I am a man, I couldn't cry. I am crying through my writings because pen has no gender". We have stigma attached with tears when it comes to men. Any living being of all sex and sizes, who have emotions and feelings are bound to shed tears, but the men society is deprived of the privileges and comforts that come with tears.

When the tears are shed, it washes and soothes the wounds paving way for earlier healing. Thats why we find the so called "weaker sex" living hale, healthy and emotionally stronger with the passage of time than their men counterpart. So just weep / sob when you feel like instead of controlling it in the name of "courage" or "macho" etc.. etc.. When you feel like doing it, just do it. Once you had unloaded your "emotions / feelings", you'll find a clear way of what to do further.

Masochists and rejections
is a psychological term used to describe a person who derives pleasure by romanticising the pains, rejections and troubles. Masochist encourages people to walk over him and finds happiness in cribbing being a doormat. Why masochist suddenly? Sometimes things happen all of a sudden for good. I came across this concept and symptoms while surfing across some psychological website. I realised the danger that I was slowly turning to a masochist who is getting most attracted to something / someone when rejected more. The so called "Loving Unconditionally" is a pure humbug. If things doesn't go well in a relationship, if somebody doesn't like you despite you liking that person more, better move on rather than "hanging around". No point in reducing yourself to a doormat that the so called "beloved people" can walk over you. That article I came across was so inspiring that I had "pruned" my friend's list where the communications were purely unidirectional.

Taking references from my own article "Reeling from rejection..", I wanted to move out of Abu Dhabi just because this person had turned down my offer for friendship. How selfish I was? There were some more friends who babied me, pampered me, who had stood thicker by me in the times of problems, yet I didn't think of staying back for the sake of them. I deserved that treatment & am ashamed of that decision now. Once again it proves the theory that "People find it easy to walk out of the relationships with the people they are most comfortable with but stay in a relationship that pains more". Even though I had written the same thing few months ago, I defied my own findings substantiating it more. Hope I don't repeat the same again in any future. I think nobody teaches you better than time and experiences.

Bhavana the chatterbox.
{mosimage}My cheeks were paining while watching the interview of actress Bhavana on Diwali day. No wild thoughts... I laughed so much in that half an hour. This girl was a typical chatterbox, talking non-stop for every question that was thrown on her. I remebered this adage "Venkala kadaiyile yaanai puguntha maathiri.." (So noisy as if the elephant had entered a vessel shop). Still more surprising is that this girl being a Malayalee, learnt Tamil so much that she was rattling in that language as if it was her mother tongue. I remembered an interview of her mentor (and my most favourite director) Kamal saying that when he was auditioning Bhavana for her debut "Nammal", whomever saw them from outside would have got an impression that Bhavana was directing Kamal. It was an interview I enjoyed every second and was lingering on my mind long time even after it was over. At the end of the interview I fell in love with Bhavana all over. Sometimes Tamil becomes still more beautiful when mouthed by the malayalee actresses. Ha! Ha! Ha!

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Ethics in life
{mosimage}With the Vijayakanth's DMDK on rise, the prominent promise in their manifesto is that they will eradicate corruption. My humble opinion is that unless we, the public decides to confront bribery & corruption, no poloitical party or leader can do it. I remember the tagline of the movie "Indian" - "Netraiya Kuttram, Indraiya Niyayam, Naalaiyya Sattam", which translates to "Yesterday's crime, justified today, becomes a rule tommorrow". We all shout, cry and make hue about the bribes in the offices and the contract firms, yet with conscience please answer - "How many of you haven't bribed out of your own?". Somewhere we all look for "weaker links" in form of recommendations or who take bribes to get our work done earlier. Who can stand in a queue for a day, so if somebody asks for Rs. 50/-, give it. Since we could afford Rs. 50/- easily we don't mind it. If the bribe is in tune of Rs. 5000/-, since we can't afford it, we make a hue and cry. When I was in Sales, personally I too had looked for buyers who can trade information for "consultancy". So unless we, the public stand against the bribes and corruption, it will be there and it will surely take a couple of generations to wipe out corruption completely.

Dollar Dreams
Recently Mr. PG Aiyyar dropped in our house and he happened to be my former colleague & my sister's close friend. He is one of the person who feels a strong passion for America. He used to describe America as "Sukra Bhumi", "Bhuloga Sorgam", which translates into "Land of wealth", "Heaven on earth" etc.. etc.. He knows my past story of trying to get an American Visa to pursue my PG, (MS in Indl. Engg) from Univ. of Arkansas in 2001. My visa had been rejected many times, after sometimes the admission got null and I gave it up for a career in Sales. This time he suggested me to take a Tourist visa for 3 months, get any job there and convert it to H1B Visa for 6 years. He was magnanimous to foresay that I won't be able to comeback for next 6 years. Ha! Ha! Ha! I would love to visit not only America, but any other country but am not desperate to be there. I don't want to pawn my life to be in some country.

I have seen & lived abroad, so no more fancy or fantacies about going abroad. For me not only USA, any country under the sun is just another place. I don't want to attach any kingsize importance to the places. It is the people, attitude and money that matters. I definitely want to go to USA, may be on a project or on a tour but on my own terms. It is not the case of sour grapes, but a rebel against elevating any place in earth to heaven. It is upto the individual perceptions.