Admitted that it will be more of an subjective answer rather than being objective because of the experience that varies with the individuals. Yet this post is based on a typical Indian guy (shall I say archaic) point of view / journey of sex. Whenever I had friends who got married after me, I used to get queries from them regarding sex. Considering that I myself was suffering from Performance Anxiety when I got married, now I feel that have a company in a good number of guys who have apprehensions about sex after marriage. When looking back why it was so, I feel that it was because of the way we were brought up with sex discussions as a taboo, with a "helping hand" that ensured our virginity to be lost only with the wife in the "first night" after marriage. This doesn't mean that pre-marital sex didn't exist then, but I am talking about those who either did't have the chance / courage to do that.
Quite understandable why guys have tremendous pressure while entering into a first night room. What can you expect from a guy who was even forbidden to talk about the three lettered word but all of a sudden expected to come up with a performance of satisfying a girl? The kind of 'advices' that are freely offered rather dampen the spirits than creating a conducive environment to explore, understand and adore each other's body. "Machi.... if you don't perform on the first night, the girl will think you are an impotent". Often the stories of failed marriages are cited (although at a wrong time) as example to demonstrate the need of 'performing' perfectly.
One of my friend was adviced to have a drink of 'Red Bull', an energy drink so that he gets enough stamina to perform. That friend sincerely asked me whether I took those things for my first night. I told him to be himself and 'make love'. But he said that he doesn't believe in Love Making but the process is just a three lettered word. Few days later he called and said the he was successful in the first attempt itself. Glad! But what makes him nervous?
He said that he gets that "slump" when trying new postures and this gives him jitters. Again he was consoled that it was quite natural because his mind got into the nitty-gritties of the technicalities rather than enjoying the pleasure of touch and being "right there". If the posture didn't work that day, it can be got right some other day. Why stressing himself unnecessarily? That's why he was advised to make love i.e enjoy the pleasures of touch, kiss, smile, being together rather than concentrating on mere penetration called as "fuck".
Well... To tell on a funny note, I had become a sort of counselor for my close friends regarding this issue. I even joke that if I start charging for the counselling sessions, I can mint money. Jokes apart, all I can say to my friends is to practice patience and get comfortable with the spouses before engaging fully in sex. If they get enough temper while masturbation, they surely must not have problems in having a good sex life. In masturbation there is no need to prove / satisfy anybody else. That sense of "freedom" makes the self help process more enjoyable than sex because there is always an another partner in this process.
So to all my newly married / soon to get married friends... make love. Shed all your inhibitions, get comfortable with the partner's body before taking that final plunge. There is nothing like "first impression" in the sex life as it gets better with everyday and every session. Don't over rate it and depress yourself when nervousness. Sex becomes more wonderful ONLY when you and your spouse are in that mental harmony & moments of bliss.
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