There goes a saying that there is a very thin red line between love and hate and at any moment the line can be crossed anyway. Once again I am drawing references from the incidents from my personal circle as well as my own experiences. When the heart wants, it just wants. No reasons or rationalisation needed. It just makes all efforts relentlessly to achieve what it wants. More far the subject runs away, more intense the passion grows. And finally reaches a thresh hold point where things cannot be proceeded further, the thin red line appears. All the love turns into hatred. As intense the love was the hatred also gains the same intensity.
My friends in Engg college could identify with the following incident. To protect the identity I am masking the name. MS happened to be my classmate. We were as different as chalk and cheese, but I think this contrast only attracted each other. We became thick friends, every smile and word from him made me go weak kneed. Even though I realised that we were different, my heart just wanted to be together. After the initial euphoria settled down the problems of incompatibility started. When there involved problems between friends in a group, there tends to be taking sides. I expected MS to take my side considering that I had tremendous affection / craze for him, but I was wrong. All the love turned as hatred. The red line was crossed more often causing the dilemma of whether I like him or hate him. For a very long time I was not sure whether I love him or hate him to the core.
{mosimage}The problem is when the heart wants, it doesn't rationalise, it just WANTS. When there are differences in opinions / personality, the no protest of the advances were considered as signals of acceptance. Things are pursued taking them for granted and expect/hope that things should go the way we want in future. Sometimes out of passion we fail to conduct us with a dignity. The human tendency is more inclined towards "exploring" the mystery or enigma rather than going for the explicit things. My personal experiences say that whenever you throw yourself at somebody, high risk is that not only you might not be taken seriously, but also that you might be looked down. At these times it is better to listen to head than let heart ruling, because heart can never be objective.
Once you reach the point that things were not happening the way you wanted, there comes in the frustration. Things that happen at this stage are towards getting maximum attention from the other protagonist. This could be in the form of explanations / confessions or quarrels. Once you think that "Is this what I deserve for liking somebody to the core and do I need this desperately that pains / tortures me?", you are on that red line. This is the dangerous point where the love turns hatred. As said earlier how deep was the passion, so strong is the hatred.
I stooped to the low level and I am still ashamed why I tried to do so. Fortunately things didn't happen the way I planned. Had something happened, the guiltiness would have killed me everyday. Once I let the head take the decisions, it rationalised and pointed out the mistakes I did. Was it wrong in the part of MS to be the way it appealed to me? He never did anything out of his way to appeal me. I was wrong in taking things seriously despite knowing the fact fully that we were poles different. I literally was on my knees that 2 1/2 years before him. Atleast for that sake I expected that he should distance himself from AR but ultimately that expectation distanced me.
{mospagebreak}Years later I happened to be in the other side. The situation was similiar except that somebody wanted me to take their side. This person is really sweet and I tried to make him understand that his personal equation with other person won't make any difference in my friendship with him. I could identify what kind of trauma this person could be undergoing bvecause this is what I underwent six years back.At the same time I tried to make him understood that what he expects was not politically correct and I didn't want him to repeat the mistake I did. But things couldn't be salvaged further. I consider it as a personal failure in the friendship. It was really amusing that whenever you pursue a relationship hoping to treasure for lifetime, it ends soon.
Even after so many years & incidents my heart is still "active". Even today I take some persons closer for no solid reasons, sometimes at the very first meeting. Still sometimes it hurts why I am not taken seriously despite liking them whole heartedly. But the saving grace is that my head becomes still more active under such circumstances and puts the heart in its place. Whenever the heart manages to dodge the head, some small problems surface. I believe I have learnt my lessons and implementing them too. Due to my heart's influence, I took this person close to my heart and I was about to cross the red line when things didn't happen the way I expected. Suddenly it rang the bell that I am doing all the same mistakes again and again, I took a break, reasoned the heart and while coming back I decided to accept the person the way they are. I wrote a small note confessing that this is what happened and assured that I won't disturb them again. (if MS reads this he'll laugh whether I am still writing letters)
Any ways to avoid crossing that line? In the first place we should learn to accept the person the way they are. I change for them so they SHOULD change for me is the primary reason for all the problems. Every individual is different by their own. Everybody has a valid reason for why they are so. Instead of looking for ways to "change" them according to our preferences, we should learn to take them just the way they are. In my case, rather than choosing self-destructive mechanisms to heal the pain, I decided to bury in things that keeps me happy. I am glad that I averted crossing that red line this time. I think the two major secrets of happiness are not to carry expectations from anybody & next one being accepting the person the way they are. If you don't like anything try to avoid that point or don't override it.
{mosimage}Don't associate happines with men & material. Be happy unconditionally. Whatever happens or not happens, whomever likes or not, try to be happy on your own. You'll never get a chance to cross that red line. Whatever big might the wounds / heart breaks may be, just put in back burner. Time will take care of any wounds and heal it in due course of time. Sometimes you won't stop laughing at the trouble phase on retrospect, how silly it is but how large it loomed at that time. Looking back I realised that my longtime friends know me in and out what I am & vice versa. There were no special efforts in changing for the sake of others. Since we accepted others the way they are, the relationship is healthy. Now I have no pretentions or civil facades, not apologetic of what I do anymore, showing the world that this is what I am. Take it or leave it. I too will accept what you are and who you are. If I like I'll take you closer to my heart but should not get any chance to cross the red line again.
A twist in the tale. Once I confessed and stood bit apart, I am getting positive advances. What message should I take from this - Hang around, Don't quit? You please tell me.
Even after so many years & incidents my heart is still "active". Even today I take some persons closer for no solid reasons, sometimes at the very first meeting. Still sometimes it hurts why I am not taken seriously despite liking them whole heartedly. But the saving grace is that my head becomes still more active under such circumstances and puts the heart in its place. Whenever the heart manages to dodge the head, some small problems surface. I believe I have learnt my lessons and implementing them too. Due to my heart's influence, I took this person close to my heart and I was about to cross the red line when things didn't happen the way I expected. Suddenly it rang the bell that I am doing all the same mistakes again and again, I took a break, reasoned the heart and while coming back I decided to accept the person the way they are. I wrote a small note confessing that this is what happened and assured that I won't disturb them again. (if MS reads this he'll laugh whether I am still writing letters)
Any ways to avoid crossing that line? In the first place we should learn to accept the person the way they are. I change for them so they SHOULD change for me is the primary reason for all the problems. Every individual is different by their own. Everybody has a valid reason for why they are so. Instead of looking for ways to "change" them according to our preferences, we should learn to take them just the way they are. In my case, rather than choosing self-destructive mechanisms to heal the pain, I decided to bury in things that keeps me happy. I am glad that I averted crossing that red line this time. I think the two major secrets of happiness are not to carry expectations from anybody & next one being accepting the person the way they are. If you don't like anything try to avoid that point or don't override it.
{mosimage}Don't associate happines with men & material. Be happy unconditionally. Whatever happens or not happens, whomever likes or not, try to be happy on your own. You'll never get a chance to cross that red line. Whatever big might the wounds / heart breaks may be, just put in back burner. Time will take care of any wounds and heal it in due course of time. Sometimes you won't stop laughing at the trouble phase on retrospect, how silly it is but how large it loomed at that time. Looking back I realised that my longtime friends know me in and out what I am & vice versa. There were no special efforts in changing for the sake of others. Since we accepted others the way they are, the relationship is healthy. Now I have no pretentions or civil facades, not apologetic of what I do anymore, showing the world that this is what I am. Take it or leave it. I too will accept what you are and who you are. If I like I'll take you closer to my heart but should not get any chance to cross the red line again.
A twist in the tale. Once I confessed and stood bit apart, I am getting positive advances. What message should I take from this - Hang around, Don't quit? You please tell me.
