This is an extension of the sequences that made me blog the previous articles "When personnel becomes personal" and "Loving unconditionally" and I hope this should be the last leg of the trilogy. I liked one of my colleague very much and I extended my hand of friendship. But things didn't go the way I expected and I was bluntly told that there was a strong feeling of incompatibility & not interested in intercolleague friendship, my offer was turned down. It hurted much and since I had to interact with that person on daily basis, there was a feeling of unease, so I was even contemplating quitting. I attended a seminar which was a sort of eye opener that my career focus was completely lost. I realised that I am on a mission and I shouldn't quit before completing it, for that I must put more efforts to make up for the lost time.
While I was introspecting in the weekend, I realised that during the periods of "pain", I had been rude to my other friends. I was ashamed and I didn't think twice to call them and apologise. At that time my friend asked why I was upset. I said that despite my sincere intentions (or attempts), I was turned down, I was hurt. My friend asked what I expected from that person. I replied that I had no expecations from him except a normal friendship. I also continued that since I liked him very much, I made advancements but somewhere down the line I wasn't sure whether it would be accepted or not. My friend asked me then why I was rude to others?
I thought for few minutes and realised that it could be an ego problem. It might have hurted my ego that I was "rejected". So rather than depression, a sort of anger was prevalent & predominant. That's the reason I was rude. So the basic reason of such behaviour was not the "unacceptance" but a "feeling of rejection". After the conversation, I realised that if I feel "rejected", it might end up in inferior complex, so I decided to move on, by concentrating on the assignment, which I have to complete before moving back to India. I accepted the fact that somewhere I didn't appeal that person, as simple as that, so why should I strain my relationship with other friends.
The bottom line is we feel offended when we feel we are rejected or not even considered. If our enemy manages to hurt our ego, it is their victory. Infact I used to say that the best way to "insult a person is to ignore their presence". When you don't even acknowledge the person you hate, you might be successfull in hitting their ego, which is more powerful than verbal or physical abuse. My relatives used to say that even though I am calm and look not so serious, if I was provoked, I hit (their ego) where it hurts the most. So everybody would be bit cautious with me when it comes to passing derogatory comments about my close circle. Infact on a situation I advised my troubled niece that nobody can hurt her without her permission, so asked her to be bold and hold a high self esteem. But I had forgot all those things this time, when it came to me. Even though I used to preach that theory, this time I became a victim for the same.
I believe almost every human feel the same way when they believe that they are being "rejected". Now I remember an incident when I was in Coimbatore. I had a friend Praveen, whom I believe was very simple guy. I always used to tease him that if he is so simple and "innocent", I might have to become his neighbour. One day something about the girls was the topic of discussion and as usual I made fun of him that if he was as he said, then his wife wouldn't let him sleep with her. Praveen's reply was very much hard hitting that I was stunned / shocked whether I hadn't understood that guy's serious side. His reply was "I will masturbate in front of her and go to sleep alone". Even though it might sound funny, in my opinion it was explosive enough to break the marital chord. There are lot of machineries that substitute the human presence in the household activities but no sex toy can substitute a human presence. If Praveen's message was to say a wife that he didn't need her even for that unsubstitutable animal instinct, there is nothing else for which he need her. Which means she was not important for him and her presence is as good as absence, in other words even her presence is not acknowledged, thus hurting the wife's ego badly.
When going through Swami Sukhabodhananda's "Manase! relax please..." I came across an anecdote that while Swamiji was returning back along with a disciple, some motorist banged their car and scooted without apologising. Swamiji's disciple was livid with anger and shouted that the biker didn't have the courtesy even to stop and look waht happened to them. Swamiji explained the situation beautifully that his disciple's anger was not that the biker didn't apologise, but he didn't even acknowledge them. That's what hurts and makes the individual angry / upset.
I thought for few minutes and realised that it could be an ego problem. It might have hurted my ego that I was "rejected". So rather than depression, a sort of anger was prevalent & predominant. That's the reason I was rude. So the basic reason of such behaviour was not the "unacceptance" but a "feeling of rejection". After the conversation, I realised that if I feel "rejected", it might end up in inferior complex, so I decided to move on, by concentrating on the assignment, which I have to complete before moving back to India. I accepted the fact that somewhere I didn't appeal that person, as simple as that, so why should I strain my relationship with other friends.
The bottom line is we feel offended when we feel we are rejected or not even considered. If our enemy manages to hurt our ego, it is their victory. Infact I used to say that the best way to "insult a person is to ignore their presence". When you don't even acknowledge the person you hate, you might be successfull in hitting their ego, which is more powerful than verbal or physical abuse. My relatives used to say that even though I am calm and look not so serious, if I was provoked, I hit (their ego) where it hurts the most. So everybody would be bit cautious with me when it comes to passing derogatory comments about my close circle. Infact on a situation I advised my troubled niece that nobody can hurt her without her permission, so asked her to be bold and hold a high self esteem. But I had forgot all those things this time, when it came to me. Even though I used to preach that theory, this time I became a victim for the same.I believe almost every human feel the same way when they believe that they are being "rejected". Now I remember an incident when I was in Coimbatore. I had a friend Praveen, whom I believe was very simple guy. I always used to tease him that if he is so simple and "innocent", I might have to become his neighbour. One day something about the girls was the topic of discussion and as usual I made fun of him that if he was as he said, then his wife wouldn't let him sleep with her. Praveen's reply was very much hard hitting that I was stunned / shocked whether I hadn't understood that guy's serious side. His reply was "I will masturbate in front of her and go to sleep alone". Even though it might sound funny, in my opinion it was explosive enough to break the marital chord. There are lot of machineries that substitute the human presence in the household activities but no sex toy can substitute a human presence. If Praveen's message was to say a wife that he didn't need her even for that unsubstitutable animal instinct, there is nothing else for which he need her. Which means she was not important for him and her presence is as good as absence, in other words even her presence is not acknowledged, thus hurting the wife's ego badly.
When going through Swami Sukhabodhananda's "Manase! relax please..." I came across an anecdote that while Swamiji was returning back along with a disciple, some motorist banged their car and scooted without apologising. Swamiji's disciple was livid with anger and shouted that the biker didn't have the courtesy even to stop and look waht happened to them. Swamiji explained the situation beautifully that his disciple's anger was not that the biker didn't apologise, but he didn't even acknowledge them. That's what hurts and makes the individual angry / upset.
